Archive for Financial

Increasing Your Family Quality Time

April 1, 2011 cakpuad Financial

I just read a mind blowing statistic.  According to a survey conducted by the Nielsen Company, the average amount of time that parents spend in meaningful conversation with their children is a mere thirty-nine minutes per week – or, less than six minutes per day!  Six minutes per day?  Really?  Does this statistic surprise you?  Do you and your family fall into this category?  If so, you’re not alone. 

Whether you fall into the six minutes per day category, or even somewhere else on the kid quality time scale, it’s likely that you have a desire to spend more time with your children.  I think as parents, we all have the desire and intention of spending more quality time with our kids, but with life moving so quickly around us, those desires and intentions can easily be swept aside in favor of something else that seems to be more important at the time.

There are plenty of statistics out there to validate the difference that spending quality time with your family can make.  Higher grades, lower divorce rate, lower teen pregnancy rate, lower alcohol, drug, and smoking usage, better health, and overall happiness are just a few of the proven benefits of spending more quality time with your family.  This is one of those things that I think we all know, but still have a hard time committing to and sticking with. 

So, what are some things that we can do to ensure that our families are getting the quality time that they deserve?  Try incorporating a few of these family building strategies into your family life and see if they make a positive difference.

Tips for Increasing Your Family Quality Time

Eat Dinner Together –

If you don’t regularly eat together as a family now, try making this a new family habit.  I’ve heard it said that a family that eats together, stays together.  If at all possible, “plan” family dinners for at least four nights per week.  It isn’t the meal itself that is key, it’s the time that your family will actually be sitting down in the same spot at the same time that will make a difference.  To engage conversation, our family likes to play a game called “Best and Worst”.  We do a quick round robin at the table and each person talks about the best and worst part of their day.  If there are things that you want to communicate / discuss with the family, this might be a good time to do it.  I suggest keeping the dinner table a very positive and fun place for the family to hang out.  Save the lectures for another time and place.

Schedule Quality Time –

It’s funny, we will take the time to schedule things into our lives like appointments, workouts, phone calls, parties, etc., but we rarely take the time to schedule individual or group quality time with our family.  By making quality time a priority and scheduling it into our busy weeks, we not only increase our chances of spending that time with our family, but we also send a message to our wife / husband and kids that spending time with them is important.  I suggest that you make special individual dates with each member of your family, whether it be going to a ball game, going to the park, or something as simple as just grabbing a cup of coffee or an ice cream and having a nice talk.

Full Family Activities –

Try scheduling events or activities each week that the entire family can do and enjoy together.  It can sometimes be a challenge to satisfy everyone’s interest, especially if you have little ones, but remember that the purpose here is to get everyone in the same place at the same time.  In our house, my five year old son Kyle is addicted to the board game “Trouble”.  Although this game is simple and doesn’t take much thought, it’s one game / activity that he can compete with his older sister and parents on an even playing field.  So, we play LOTS of Trouble in our house!  Other great full-family activities can be going on a Sunday drive and turning it into an exploration trip, seeing a movie together, playing an outdoors sport / game together, etc.

Create Family Hobbies –

Another great idea for family building is to get involved in a new hobby that the whole family can participate in.  What hobbies can you think of that your whole family would enjoy and look forward to doing every day, week, or month?  Maybe become huge fanatics of a baseball team and go to regular games together?  Maybe learn how to fly model airplanes?  Treasure hunting?  Puzzle building?  Give it some thought and see what new hobbies that you can come up with for your family.

Do you already place a high value on creating and spending quality time with your family?  If so, what works for you?  If not, what are you willing to do now to make a positive change for the benefit of your family?  I encourage you to leave some feedback in the comments section below to let others know what works for you and your family, or to let us know what you’re willing to commit to now.

GO FOR IT!

 Blog: http://www.GainGroudToday.com

Website:  http://www.GainLifeCoaching.com

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The Importance of Family Involvement in Substance Abuse Treatment and Addiction Therapy

March 26, 2011 cakpuad Financial

For family and friends of drug and/or alcohol addicted individuals, addressing addiction is one of the most difficult aspects of seeking substance abuse treatment. Often, drug and alcohol addiction has built a destructive cycle over a time to the point where daily family involvement actually enables the addicted individual. Family members frequently do not know how to bring up the issue of addiction therapy, and opt to ignore the problem for fear of pushing their loved one away during a confrontation or intervention. These are legitimate concerns, and while families should understand that approaching their loved one should be a gentle and supportive process, they also need to understand that most patients seek substance abuse treatment because of positive family involvement and intervention.

Prior to Substance Abuse Treatment/Intervention

Each family is different, and the way you should approach family involvement with addiction therapy will differ with every person. There are counselors in your area who are trained to work with drug and alcohol addicted patients and their families, and while they can be useful to mediate the intervention process, your family may decide to have a private, non-confrontational and honest talk with a family member or friend to implore them to seek substance abuse treatment. Whichever approach you take, it is important to understand that the family dynamic in drug and alcohol addiction is incredibly powerful, and that addressing an unhealthy imbalance in communication is your first step in moving your loved one toward inpatient / outpatient addiction therapy. This type of positive family involvement can also help lead the rest of your family toward a journey of recovery and self-discovery.

During a Patient’s Substance Abuse Treatment Program

After an intervention, the best case scenario is that the individual suffering from drug or alcohol addiction will be compelled to enter either an inpatient or outpatient substance abuse treatment program. Each patient’s needs and means are different, and outpatient and inpatient programs have varying benefits for patients and family. Involvement in an outpatient addiction therapy program means that patients are not separated from their families, they are able to attend classes in a facility close to their home, and patients can continue substance abuse treatment for an extended amount of time. In a residential (inpatient) program, patients travel to a facility where they undergo an intensive 28-30 day detoxification and recovery program. They are immersed in the recovery process and do not have the ability to leave the substance abuse treatment campus. However, family involvement is important, and inpatient addiction therapy programs often encourage frequent interaction with visiting family and friends.

As previously mentioned, patients’ needs vary, but inpatient substance abuse treatment has an obvious benefit of removing the drug and/or alcohol addicted individual from the toxic atmosphere that was enabling their addiction, and helping them through addiction therapy without distraction. This same benefit is transferred to the patient’s friends and family, who are often able to gain a new perspective about their loved one’s addiction and their own behaviors. Family involvement, once the patient is in an off-site substance abuse treatment facility, is periodic and helps families step back and recognize patterns of negative behavior. For example, well-meaning family and friends often become trapped into a cycle of enabling and codependency with the patient prior to addiction therapy. Often, family members pretend like nothing is wrong, and unintentionally assist the patient’s addiction by ignoring the problem. Conversely, family members might become distant, angry, and resentful by feeling that they cannot address the issue for fear of angering the patient or exacerbating their loved one’s addiction. When the family members are able to take a break and assess their behaviors and environment while their loved one is undergoing addiction therapy, they often identify behaviors and traits that they adjust to break the cycle.

This is not to say that residential substance abuse treatment programs isolate the patient from their friends and family – quite the opposite. In a quality residential substance abuse treatment program, the focus is equally upon the patient’s physical recovery from drug and alcohol addiction as much as it is on a mental recovery from the addictive disease. Addiction therapy is supported heavily by positive and frequent family involvement. The support that a family provides to a patient recovering from addiction is essential to that patient’s success, and residential centers will often have not only visitation throughout the week or on weekends, but will also engage family into an educational substance abuse treatment program of their own, such as supportive and dynamic recovery workshops and sessions for family involvement.

Outside of the residential substance abuse treatment facility, family and friends of patients are highly encouraged to attend Al Anon or Nar Anon meetings. These free programs are held around the nation and are dedicated to providing group support to family and friends of drug and alcohol addicted individuals. The meetings address things such as: helping an addict seek assistance for his or her own problem, addressing a loved one’s drug or alcohol addiction, building family through the addiction therapy process, supporting yourself and your loved one through the recovery process, etc. These programs are essential for family involvement, as they support friends and family during and after the substance abuse treatment program.

After a Substance Abuse Treatment Program

With drug and alcohol addiction, there is truly no clear-cut “end” to the addiction therapy process. Families struggling with the effects of their loved one’s drug and alcohol addiction should continually attend Al Anon or Nar Anon meetings (perhaps both) on a regular basis to continue a constructive program of support and ongoing education. Alcohol and drug addiction are both considered “family diseases”, and family involvement with people combating drug and alcohol addiction requires continual attendance of these meetings during and after the formal inpatient or outpatient addiction therapy session. Additionally, while these meetings help individuals to understand the disease of drug and alcohol addiction to help and support someone they care about, they also assist friends and family with their own emotional support during what is most often an incredibly trying and stressful time. By continuing to attend Al Anon and Nar Anon meetings, friends and family of an addicted individual can continue to stay out of the destructive cycle of enabling and codependency and fully realize the benefits of addiction therapy.

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Blended family: Wish or Compromise!

November 26, 2010 cakpuad Financial

Remarriage affect the power dynamics within marriage. It witness changes in men and women in terms of marital power across their first-marriage, divorce and remarriage. It is observed that male ego and social setup cannot tolerate women’s market worth more when he compares with his worth! On the contrary domestically oriented women do undergo a feeling of loss of power. These circumstances pave the way for remarriage and formation of blended families. It surely affects the market work, marital and divorce experiences and their working atmosphere.

Formation of blended family or stepfamily is a step to meet and fulfill the desires of each other as in these families one or both partners have been married before and has lost a spouse through divorce or death, and may have children from the previous marriages. Blending of two families not only encompasses two people coming together but also their children get an acceptance from the opposite partner and his/her children.

Only by visualizing one cannot discriminate between the composition of first-marriage families and blended families, but when observed closely then there do occur a drastic difference in terms of marital conflicts. Blended families are structurally more complex as it comprises more family members. Children along with the adults (new parents) of blended family have to share more relations making the family tree from simple to complex. This results in amplification of the possibilities for conflict. Also the range of types of relationships also can lead to a greater likelihood of family disputes (Borrine Brown & Handal, 1991).

This complexity can also affect the psychology of the child because of lack of family boundaries; this also affects the discipline of the family affecting the judgment for a child who is the part of family, whom to accept to what extent it is going to affect his / her position in the family. It becomes difficult for the child even more when blending occurs, but couple is living in cohabitation. This affects the psychology to a greater extent and the child may drop faith in relationships and family system. One of the biggest issues now-a-days is to deal with child psychology as today; children are more aware and know most of the issues prior to their age. If the child psychology is disrupted then it may lead to abnormal behavior, child delinquency, or the child may refrain from the society. This childhood agony and behavioral disturbances lead the child to follow the path of wrong actions and deeds (Stewart, 2005). It is therefore imperative to carry out a study to investigate the pervasiveness and nature of boundary ambiguity in stepfamilies.

Due to lack of proper understanding, and uncertainties in terms of the roles, responsibilities, privileges, obligations and duties of stepparents are not comprehensible in contrast to the biological parents (Borrine Brown & Handal, 1991). Step parents remain perplexed and may perhaps not know how to act and develop understanding towards their step children, whether to be an adult companion, authoritarian, a compassionate adult, a secluded adult or some other role required to fulfill the demands of the children of both sides.

Furthermore, family members in stepfamilies have diverse histories. When two partner marry they set up a joint family culture with their own customs, prototypes and distinctiveness and their children adopt the same traditions as an essential part of their lives. Children are shaped and brought up according to this culture, but when parents are separated and they encounter a new relationships in the family they are lost in resolving their identity and it becomes cumbersome for the child or children to overcome the stress and confusion developed because of blending of two different families. When the demands of biological child is not fulfilled, agony and criticism creeps in the family with much greater intensity then the first marriage. (Borrine Brown & Handal, 1991).

Another issue is of loyalty and commitment resulting in triangulating behaviors of the children. Financial issues to support the step child may also become one of the major reasons of conflict. Issues also relate the nonresidential parents and culminate in the form of competition among stepsiblings for everything. This conflict is depicted in the psychology of the child or children.

Over the past four decades, income inequality has increased and family structures have diversified. Women are also contributing equally in the financial matters leading to conflicts over the satisfaction of egos. When they are not able to cope with the situation and tension persists it leads to separation of the partners. It is also observed that in gender inequalities, it is the mother who incur more child-related costs then the father (Weaver, 2001).

It is observed that some important changes in the social framework took place over 25 years where men and women form partnered relationships. This came in picture with the changes in the area of partnering, due to increase in the living relationships also called as cohabilitation. This is followed by entering into relationship and marriage, then remarriage; it also depends on the timing of the marriage in the life course.

The family trend is changing now showing a rise and fall of the married population. According to 2001 Australian census, around 52% of population above 15 years is married, as compared to 65% in 1971. Statistical analysis on the frequency of marriage provides a depiction only about the marriage and not about the broken marriage that have ended in divorce or widowhood. The decline in the ration of marriages does not indicate that people are not marrying but indicates that people have lost reliance on the marriage system and social trends resulting in the emergence of new epoch of families which encouraged early and universal marriage.

It is observed that what is said to be the stigma if a women conceives before marriage, now cohabilitation is bringing open sexual relationships and use of birth control pills and other means of contraception to evade the chances of bearing the burden of child (McDonald, 1995).

The trend also depict that in order to procure high status and position, and to meet the challenges of the growing competition, the demand for skilled work force is on a rise. This has led them to attain tertiary education; there is a cut down in the numbers of early school leavers finding full time paid work. To meet the growing demands and challenges thrown upon everyday and to prove oneself, early marriage is avoided by the young population. They are aware and do not want to share the additional burden of family and responsibilities. This turned out to be the major factor to discourage early marriage and there occurred a rise in cohabilitation and delays in marriage (McDonald, 1995). It is also observed that marrying before the age of 25 is becoming relatively uncommon for both the sexes. (ABS 2001)

Factors contributing to formation of blended family/ extended family

Various factors can change the destiny of a child and the life of spouse. With the changing trends women are also working equally as compared to men, it is reflected in her confidence. She is capable of managing home as well as office and therefore is not all that docile to be tamed easily by the dominance of male. If the preferences match they stay together for life with a positive understanding and progressive temperament. She is the one who is solely responsible to make the family and break the family because she is of course a mother too. What step she is going to take today leaves great impact on the next generation. Both partners must not be mean to think about them only rather they should think constructively in the direction of family bonding.

The financial security of the women has also supported the formation of blended family as now she is not docile to hear and tolerate the harassment made by her husband in front of children as this disturbs their psychology and so she moves out of the relationship.

The intimacy of the family bonding in life of a child comes from the family. It is the family which shapes the lives and a person with this persona grows up and also formulates similar relationships with the life partner. If the individual is a creation of blended family, the psychology must be different and this may be constructive and respectful if the blending is towards positive direction or negative if the psychology has faced some kind of family impact and is deep rooted in the mind.

To avoid the bad influence of male partner on her child women moves out of the relationship of first marriage and remarry with the partner who does not have bad habits of drinks and smoking.

It is evident that children during their formative years are influenced by teachers, sports, Scouts, their peer group, school, neighborhood, and the like, but the real influence in any child’s life comes from home. It is therefore crucial that the relationship between children and their parents is runny, self-motivated and activated to boost the morale of the child throughout the life of child.

It is pragmatic that when child is born, the entire family environment changes. It is vital that parent’s interaction with the elder child/ children must be congenial as it determines the child’s final destiny. Divorce / death of a parent is a major change and a major influence on a child and the family. If there is a blended family in the family tree, as there are in most families now in U.S. it leaves impact on the child.

It is therefore blending families not only invites troubles but they tend to change the psychology of the child. Kids of different ages and genders will adjust differently. The physical and emotional needs of a 2 year old girl are different than that of a 13 year old boy. Parents must develop an understanding between themselves (as spouses) and must understand the psychology of the child/ children before expecting the perfect blend of the families. There occur a drastic difference between the reaction of boys and girls towards acceptance of stepparents. Both boys and girls in stepfamilies tend to prefer spoken love, friendliness such as praises or compliments, rather than physical closeness, like hugs and kisses. It is natural that girls tend to be tight with physical displays of warmth from their stepfather as compared to boys who accept a stepfather more quickly.

People who have an insecure attachment record may have troubles ascertaining close, loving bonds with new people. Providentially, it is by no means too late to modify this propensity. An uncertainly attached child (or adult) can learn to trust others, and bond with people who treat him with consistent affection, attention, and respect.

How to achieve success in the organization of blended family

Generating and establishing trust is the major contributing factor. The children may feel uncertain about their new “family” and resist parental efforts to get to know them. It is normal, they need lot of love care and affection and time for the understanding to be framed.

By creating clear, safe boundaries in blended families, an important part of building trust in a family has to do with discipline. This is done when couples discuss the role of each stepparent and formulate the changes in household rules. Stepparent must establish a more of a friend or counselor role rather than a disciplinarian. It is imperative that kids must be given time till that time the biological (custodial) parent must remain primarily responsible for discipline until the stepparent has developed solid bonds with the kids. The stepparents and stepchildren must try to understand the rules and boundaries are for everyone in the family (blended family).

The spouses must deal with differences in a congenial and co-operative manner to turn the merged families into a success. This is achieved by understanding what are the differences in parenting, discipline, lifestyle, etc. and to make it a priority. Agreeing on some consistent guidelines and strategies will show the kids that parent and stepparent intend to deal with issues in a similar way. This should diminish some feelings of unfairness.

Keeping the parents involved in the blended family make the children adjust better as they have access to both biological parents. This generates feeling of trust and understanding for the parents love and care for the child and motivates the child towards positive direction.

Conclusion

Blended Families often can use some encouragement, hope, motivation and insight. Remarriages seem to be popular these days, across all age groups, previously married men and women are more likely to marry then those who had never married (McDonald, 1995). For example while 71 per 1000 never married men in their late 20s and early 30s married in 2000, 103 to 104 per 1000 previously married men in these age groups remarried in 2000.

Remarriages have become more outstanding in late 1970s that in first three quarters of the 20th century. Only 10% of the marriages were involved in remarriage in 1911, that increased to 17% in 1955 and now over 1/3rd of the marriages each year culminate into remarriage (ABS 2001). This is explained in terms of increased divorced population since the Family Law Act 1975 came into process. This is one of the major reasons that more people are turning to remarriages.

The rise and fall of marriage is also due to changing nature of marriage formation. The rise of cohabitation corresponds the modern decline in marriages. One of the most important changes in partnership formation is the increasing tendency for couples to cohabit before they marry. Premarital cohabitation was virtually non-existent before 1960s and only 16% couples who married in 1975 cohabited. While in 1980s around half of all marrying couples cohabited in advance while in 2001, 72% of couples who married had lived together first. The trend is changed that it becomes unusual now if they do not live together before marriage (ABS, 2001).

A marked turnaround in attitudes to cohabitation has ascertained that these trends are both contributing and fuelling the young generation. When cohabitation was virtually non-existent a feeling of strong stigma was attached to such behavior and to sexual relationships outside marriage which is now evaded (McDonald, 1995).

One of the major reasons is the age at which relationship is formulated that also paves the way for remarriages and formation of blended family. With the increasing trends in cohabitation followed by marriage, the age matures and first relationship develops at the age of around 24 years which is more as compared to the previous trends (McDonald, 1995).

Thus there have been important changes in the way in which men and women form couple relationships. The proportion of the adult population that is married has declined since the period after World War II. Both men and women spend a considerable part of their adult life without being married, and are now older when they are married. Formal marriage is no longer the only way in which people partner ever since the cohabitation came in existence. Moreover, with the changing trends of jobs and working atmosphere the colleagues spend more time together then with the family and spouse this has also forced them to have divorce from the spouse and form a blended family with the partner of the choice.

The hassle of family disputes can be resolved with a proper understanding to avoid any kind of breaks and leaving a psychological impact on the children and also on the adults.

References

1. ABS (2001), Marriages and Divorces Australia 2000 Catalogue No. 3310.0, Australian Bureau of Statistics, Canberra.

2. Borrine M.L., Brown N.Y., & Handal P.J., Searight H.R. (1991) Family Conflict and adolescent adjustment in intact, divorced, and blended families. Journal of Consulting and clinical Psychology 59, 753-755.

3. Stewart, S.D. (2005). Boundary Ambiguity in Stepfamily. Journal of Family Issues 26; 1002.

4. Stewart, S.D. (2000) Brave New Stepfamilies. Diverse Paths Toward Stepfamily Living
Task, S.H., Hamon R.R. (2007) Cultural Diversity and Family. Expanding Perspective.

5. McDonald, P (1995) Australian families: Values and behavior” in R. Hartly (ed) Families and Cultural Diversity in Australia Australian Institute of Family SStudies, Melbourne in conjunction with Allen and Unwin Publishers, Sydney

6. Weaver S. E., Umana-Taylor A.S., & Hans D. J., Malia S. E. (2001) Challenges Family Scholars May Face in Studying Family Diversity. A focus on Latino Families, Stepfamilies and Reproduction Technology. Journal of Family Issues 22; 922

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Influence Of Joint Family System On Socio-Economic Development Of Pakistan

October 27, 2010 cakpuad Financial

The development of any country depends on the role of individuals living in the society. If the individuals play their role actively and positively then their will be growth and if there will be growth their will be equal and proper division of resources within the individuals of society. This ultimately gives a peaceful environment.  But the question arises how these individuals behave in a responsible way that it turns the nations luck? For this it is important to understand that from where these individuals come from? What was the environment and atmosphere of the place where they groomed up? What they learn in the beginning of their minds development through their environment? 

In case of Pakistan, it is an urgent requirement to study and understand the origin and upraising systems of individuals as Pakistan is facing lot of problems, crisis and unpleasant situations from last six decades. Pakistan’s society have drawbacks at all levels hence it is important to catch the roots of such problems. Fortunately now Pakistan has independent media and judiciary which both play a vital role in improving the upper social and political setup of Pakistan. But there is also a need to understand the problems at bottom line social groups which mostly includes middle and lower income class families. The behaviors and attitude of these two classes also underpin and create lot of hindrances in the developmental process of Pakistan. There is a lack of tolerance, lack of compromising attitude, lack of responsible nature, lack of impartial behaviors in the individuals of these classes. This type of behaviors and attitude of individuals generate and developed in their early grooming stages through their families. 

In Pakistan mostly there is a joint family system in which there are grand parents, uncles, aunties and lot of cousins. Although this family system is undergoing a radical change with a greater influence of media and education but people of Pakistan do not feel this change a good one. Because while living in a joint family system a lot of emotional attachments enhanced and they feel that by separating in neutral family system their relations will damaged and family ties will be weakened. Lot of research work has been done in this regard in Pakistan. Researchers highlighted various issues at household level which create disturbance and unrest in the society. Joint family system is basically a form of organization. In this organization there are defined norms and values to follow strictly by all the members. All the members have their defined tasks and responsibilities to perform. There is equal share of each and every member of the family in the available resources in the form of money, food and other requirements. If all the requirements and regulation of this organization fulfill impartially then it is the most successful system but unfortunately this not happens. Definitely it is impossible for any human being to stuck with defined strict norms and values even in his/her own home where he/she wants to take rest and live freely according to his own will after completion of his/her office duties which are in current era are as much tough and busy. 

This living style of joint families effects badly the socio-economic development of Pakistan by increasing poverty in various ways. In a joint family systems now lot of crisis emerge on the issues like distribution of household tasks, allocation of financial responsibilities among different members, division of resources in the form of food and money. There are various reasons of each emerging issue in joint family system. Firstly; members of joint families have no income security. As if a person has surety that whatever he earned it is his own then he could become ready to invest and entrepreneurs for the economy of the country through proper savings. Economically and financially independent individuals could work more confidently for the development of the country which not only could minimize poverty but also gloom up the economy of the country. On the other hand while living in a joint family system an individual could not save regularly from his earnings and hence could not confidently participate in the investment process of the country. Because he know that whatever he earned it will be added in the joint fund of whole family for family expenditures from where those members of family also benefit who are able to earn for them but become lazy due to such financial support from family. Huge amount of our youth become irresponsible and lazy and also adopt extravagance activities only due to this joint family system. As they do not have to face difficulties of managing home financially and they do not have any heavy responsibilities on their shoulders so they do not become responsible in all walks of life.  

Secondly improper division of financial responsibilities arises lots of financial issues in joint family system. They mostly emerge because at some times newly married couple does not want to share their earnings in the whole family expenditures, they want to spend their income independently. On the other hand they are part of a joint family system they eat from the earnings of other and do not share their own. In most of the homes the most elder guardian of the family ( may be a grand father or most elder brother) is responsible for all sorts of expenditures of the home which includes all sorts of bills, monthly fuel consumption expenditures and monthly food consumption items in addition also responsible for educational expenditures of various children in the home. In this way a burden crossed the limits on one individual of the home. Therefore after retirement or expiry of such a huge supporting guardian then whole family split in neutral families as a result of lot of disputes. That’s why now various families prefer to settle in neutral families before such a bad end.

Thirdly; division of household tasks or we can say division of labour within home also increasing disputes and argues and they mostly emerge between women of the family. Because most of domestic tasks performed by females of the family. In eastern families mostly daughters in a law (wives of sons) are responsible for all work. Sometimes disputes occur between these daughters in law on the division of household tasks that is cleaning, washing, cooking, and dealing with children, husbands and parents in law. Most of the families in Pakistan and India do not like to involve their unmarried daughters in household tasks and therefore these girls also become burden on daughters in law of that family. In addition such girls become lazy and irresponsible and when these girls become married themselves they become unable to tackle with various responsibilities immediately after marriage. Also daughters in law feel this very injustice and partial behaviors of the in laws and then it creates psychological dissatisfaction in the daughters in law which ultimately affects badly her children and husband. At various time married girls stir up to demand for separate home to live happy and independent with her children and husband and her this demand impacts the whole family badly and the crack occur due to such. Therefore now various families prefer to leave newly married couples independent before occurrences of such dispute in the family. And it looks more effective and good to minimize family conflicts and dispute and to make everyone responsible. 

Joint family system also creates problems in children rearing. As among various loving relations mostly it becomes impossible for parents to prohibit their children from various bad habits, improper attitude and wrong behaviors. Loving relations like uncles, aunties and grand parents do not like to prevent children strictly. They do not like to chide or rebuke their young grand children and hence they bring up in a wrong support of their loving relations which impacts their whole life badly and therefore they do the same wrong deeds in their mature life and hinder their own career and give loss to the country’s economy also. When little boys and girls groomed up in such an environment where there are people who support them for wrong deeds then become irresponsible individuals of the country who contribute to prevent developmental process. As these boys and girls also supported financially even after they completed their education careers and often at sometimes after they get married so they do not bother to work hard to overcome all their needs themselves also they can not decide well for their future life they are not mentally independent to put forward any step they are strictly dependent and are not able to decide according to the time. In this family system young boys and girls become too much emotionally attached with their families and they become unable to live without their parents and family away from home to work more in the current era of competitiveness. They mostly prefer to do jobs at low salary packages and less competitive environment in their own villages and areas to remain attached with the family. In this way there is a lack of passion for higher education and seeking advanced skills as they mostly available at big cities or abroad. 

Most of population of Pakistan prefers joint family system just because of their parents. This is because of Islamic teachings about serving parents in their old age with full responsibility and love. In case of nuclear family system the problem occurs for adjustments of old aged parents. In west this problem solved by making old houses but Pakistan cannot adopt this policy as it is against its religious teaching. Hence old aged parent’s rights should preserve within Islamic boundaries. Various joint families though that if they split in neutral families then any one of us have to take full responsibility of parents which at sometimes any single couple feels burden. But in various families a new system adopted that all brothers split in neutral families and parents live with that couple which they prefer themselves to live with permanently and visit homes of other sons frequently according to their will this system suits the parents too much and it is the true Islamic system. Otherwise in a joint family system sometimes parents feel insulting when they get expired to give more for family expenditures. As after the end of his financial contribution his participation in family decision also effected badly. There occurs a shift in power within the joint family system which disturbed the old aged parents too much. But in case of neutral family system all are independent in their own decisions so there is no shift in power happens. Also when the families separated in neutral family system then they become financially independent and at most time in such a system they attract their old aged parents towards them which make the parents also happy as they feel their importance within their children. 

Joint family system is successful in rich class of Pakistan but the boys and girls groomed out such family system are not economically fit for the country as they are highly pampered by their elders. Whereas in middle class families this system is going to be failed and a large change is happening now. And in case of lower class families this system is increasing more and more poverty due to its lots of drawbacks and shortcomings discussed earlier. I have gone through various articles regarding joint family system and while writing some of the authors relate neutral family system to western family system. Whereas neutral family system is a true Islamic system in which wife is responsible for taking care of his husband and children first and then parents in law if they are disable. It is not fair in our society to make a newly married girl responsible to take care of even young brothers and sisters of her husband. 

Being an Islamic country, people of Pakistan prefer to adopt Islamic systems in their life styles so it is important to inform Pakistani people that joint family system is strictly prohibited in Islam. It does not like mix living of girls and boys in a form of family. There are limitations by Islam to control unlawful intimate relations. Some families in Pakistan are use to live in Joint family system but trying to follow this religious tradition in wrong way. This creates a lot of problems in women’s life. Even in strict Islamic joint families (which are against to Islam) mostly males bound their females to their rooms only. They do not allow them to move freely in the home even in the loans of the home. In this way females are bearing too much problems in living freely. Therefore it is more effective to live in neutral family system to have obscure living style. It is really looking awful that a newly married young girl often have to take care of all sorts of clothes and other personals of young brother in law also. Which is totally wrong and unislamic tradition, even a son can not force to his wife for take caring of his parents.

Holy book, Al-Quran explains women duties towards husband in following verses;

 “O Mankind, keep your duty to your lord who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate (of same kind) and from the twain has spread a multitude of men and women” (Quran 4:1).

Again it is narrated in Quran

“He it is who created you from a single soul and made there from its mate, so that you might comfort in each other” (7:190).

These two verses of Quran clearly show that to each male Allah has created her mate and she is responsible only for her husband not for the whole family. Sometimes the age of brother in law is nearly equal or little less or more than the new bride and her responsibilities towards him often create misunderstandings in the couple. As on one hand new bride is responsible for all the family members in a joint family system but on the other hand loose talk with young brother in laws may create problems in her life with husband. When Islam is not allowing for co-education system, where male and female can take education in one place, then how can Islam allow for joint family system? In west now separate education institutes for girls and boys are preferred and establishing now, it is also basically an Islamic norm just like neutral family system.

While considering all above discussed problems we can conclude that joint family system increasing poverty in Pakistan by influencing directly or indirectly. This system exists in Pakistani areas before independence. Some of the experts relate this system as a heritage of Sub-continent. It is good to preserve patrimony but if any tradition cause problem and becoming unfit then it is certain to change it according to needs. Joint family system hinders various tracks towards development. It prevent the individuals to decide radically according to present competitive world, it abolish the women rights, it creates problems in preparing generation for the upcoming needs of the country, and its increases unrest and dissatisfaction of persons which disable them psychologically. Various developmental activities also hampered due to this system.

In 1983 a workshop conducted on a Methods of Measuring Intra-household Resource Allocation, funded by UNAID. In this workshop understanding intra-household issues, dynamics and related constraints make compulsory in order to achieve maximum positive outputs of developmental projects implemented in developing countries. Before implementing any project especially related to provision of micro credits or other income related projects, it is important and most effective to understand the family system of the particular locality. The project implementers should know that what are priorities of target families, how they allocate and distribute resources, goods and responsibilities and what are their consumption patterns among the members of their family. These intra-household variables are directly related to the overall social setup therefore if any organization tried to understand and improve intra-household issues at government level then it could inculcate and assist development projects to achieve maximum output. 

Government should put forward policies related to family systems so that people could be bounded to take care of rights of all family members equally. It should declare some packages for old aged parents and also for widows to make them economically strong and independent. Although government and banks of Pakistan have announced various financially supporting packages but unaware and rural population of Pakistan failed to understand the official process to access such facilities. Government should spread mobilizing teams to make them aware of these facilities. In addition such facilities are mostly difficult to avail due to attached conditions and constraints and also due to requirement of submitting huge amount of money at initial stage.  

In Pakistan lot of work have been started to eradicate poverty, mostly includes provision of education and skills, through both government and non-government organization. But on one hand to avail educational opportunities again there is a need of money as there is not provision of totally free education. People have to buy books, uniform and stationary also. Also there are transport expenditures to overcome. Hence there is a dire need to wipe deep social constraints in the society which also includes reducing trend of joint family system. It is important to provide financial security to old aged parents and pressurizing people legally to take responsibility of their parents according to their will and pleasure. Widows should especially offer for jobs to make them financially independent to overcome their personal expenditures including her children.

Any person could decide well for his/her future if he/she is totally independent in terms of finance, decisions related to expenditures priorities and about children’s future. If the financial and physical labour responsibilities at home divided equally in each family member through a neutral family system then it could enhance responsible attitude of individual towards society. Neutral family system could minimize pressure on women as number of males over her will be reduced, then she can decide about her life and career without any pressure. Neutral family system minimizes the number of argues by decreasing number of family members. This system empowers the persons more then in joint family system to think well and decide well. In neutral family system parents could give more time to their children and children will also find more time to share their worries and decisions. Little bit shortcomings of neutral family system could be overcome by adopting by effective policy measures that have suggested earlier related to old aged parents and widows. As neutral family system minimizes lots of social constraints that prevent the individuals to perform actively and passively towards development therefore it could contributes to lessen poverty directly or indirectly.  

 

 

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Handle domestic issues discreetly using a Dallas family attorney

October 5, 2010 cakpuad Financial

Legal battles are often a really difficult experience for members of your family. If you are involved in a legal dispute with someone over a particular important matter, your family too will have to suffer of the legal consequences. However, when it comes to disputes related to family law itself, there will be a lot more at stake as your family will be in the middle of the legal battle. In such a scenario, you will want to get the best legal advice you possibly can and that is what will be offered by a Dallas family attorney. These legal experts will be able to address all the possible issues you might have when it comes to the legalities of family law.

Going to court to settle a domestic dispute can be a really difficult moment for you. This is a legal domain where the battles can end up being more personal than anything else and a professional legal consultant is needed to keep it stress free. With the help of a good Dallas attorney, you will be able to get the sort of legal representation you wanted. These legal experts will be able to offer immense support and help in legal issues concerning marriage, civil unions and basic domestic partnerships too. With the aid of the services offered by these Dallas attorneys, you won’t feel unprepared in court.

These Dallas family law attorneys will be able to offer their services in a wide range of family law areas like marriage, spousal abuse, legitimacy, adoption, surrogacy, child abuse, child abduction, domestic partnerships, divorce, annulments, property settlements, alimony, parental responsibility issues, etc. A Dallas family lawyer will have the right know-how of what family law is all about and so this legal consultant will be able to offer the best solutions to families in need of legal attention. With their expertise in this particular area of law, they will be able to help their clients work out the legal issues and settle down on amiable terms.

Whenever legal representation is sought by people for cases pertaining to divorce, alimony, paternity fraud or child support, the case could get real ugly. In such a situation a Dallas family law attorney will provide the best support using the extensive experience of handling similar cases. A Dallas TX divorce attorney will be able to help out all the parties concerned with the legal battle. They will ensure that both the parties along with the children involved get a settlement that suits them all in the best possible manner.

Dealing with a divorce can be a really difficult period for any family. While the couple undergoing the divorce goes through a lot of emotional, financial and mental trauma, the kids also suffer from the breakup of a relationship and a family. This is where a good resolution is needed and that can be brought about by a great legal consultant who knows it all when it comes to family law. With a Dallas lawyer at your side, you don’t have to worry while entering an otherwise intimidating courtroom.

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Family Relationships

September 9, 2010 cakpuad Financial

If Thesaurus starts scouting for new synonyms to attach to the word ‘Family”, suitable potentials would be ‘Love’, ‘Hope’, ‘Happiness’ or ‘Support’. Society acknowledges the presence of a family when members are connected by marriage or birth. However, now with adoption gaining rapid momentum, blood is no more a determining factor for entry into a family. Healthy family relationships thrive under atmospheres immersed in love. We all need to escape from the mundane drudgeries of the outside world and the most reliable haven for that is home, inhabited by our treasured family. Family life tends to take a nasty turn when relationships abruptly corrode for no valid reason. Disagreements and silly extended quarrels deteriorate family relationships further. Careful introspection is essential to healing cracks that often appear in what was once a solid family foundation. Family members must take initiative to resolve issues and mend broken rapports. Some families function by strictly adhering to moral values, while many others sail smoothly with no reservations and absolute insouciance to societal norms! That being said, what happens inside the confines of a family household should remain inside. Let’s take a closer look into the nuances of family relationships and how strained family relationships can be improved upon.
Improving Family Relationships
We only cherish the love and warmth provided by a family when it’s missing. The best part of being in a family is that no matter what transpires, love truimphs under all circumstances and broken bonds can soon be rekindled. Whether the bond is between a mother and son, father and daughter, uncle and niece or baby and house pet, each should all be held in the highest of regards! A fairly large amount of time and effort has goes into molding a family relationship. Don’t let that go to waste!
Stop Taking Relationships For Granted!
What we often take for granted is that our family will stick to us through our darkest times, although a few exceptions do exist. No doubt, family and unconditional love go hand in hand, but this co-existence does not wipe out a few expectations. It is sensible to remind a loved one that we do love him/her infinitely and despise the mere thought of losing him/her, but not without expecting him/her to reciprocate the same. We ought to erase notions such as - “He’s my husband, of course he’ll pay for all this frivolous shopping!” Instead, buy him a gift to see that scintillating glint in his eyes. Moreover, don’t take your mother’s role for granted. Yes, she has been cooking your meals every day, but lending a helping hand wouldn’t hurt, would it? Express the affection and respect you hold for each of your family members and strive to strengthen family ties. It’s, undoubtedly, one of the best reasons to live!
Make Time For One Another
Another surmounting dilemma endured by families is not finding quality time to spend with each other. Work tires people down and academics keep the kids highly occupied. Even when the spare hour arrives, they have tiny social obligations to fulfill. Time is absolutely against them when it comes to family bonding. The clock ticks away as months and years descend into the past, now all you can do is make up for all the time lost! Discarding your children, especially during their childhood days, can have disastrous repercussions on their mental health. They evolve as bitter individuals and see the world through a lens of pessimism. They lack compassion and create trouble for themselves, all because their parents didn’t bother putting aside time to show them the difference between right and wrong. Similarly, it is imperative to spend quality time with your spouse to circumvent possibilities of drifting. Don’t let the burning flames of passion fizzle out to culminate in infidelity or divorce.
Communication:The Secret Key To Family Contentment
Barriers to effective communication within families must be broken! Dismiss the popular adage that “Silence is Golden” because when it comes to families, it most certainly isn’t. Feelings must be expressed, views should be exchanged and love ought to be showered! Your kids might be petrified of you after being scolded for an act of mischief. However, do apologize and let them know how much you love them! Communicate just the way best friends do. Your family equates to your comfort zone. Parents need to be honest and share their innermost thoughts and feelings and expunge all resentment. Even spouses ought to keep their relationship afloat by constant heart-to-heart communication!
Just Say ‘I Love You’
Never undermine the worth of the three most abused words. “I Love You” is a phrase that need not be compulsorily associated with romance. You inevitably possess endless love for your parents, siblings or children but are too afraid or shy to say it aloud. Yes, it might sound cheesy especially when you blurt it out unexpectedly. However, it will convey a beautiful message and ignite a bright glimmer of joy. More than anything else, you have to mean it when you say it! Family bonds grow stronger and unbreakable by invariable influx of these three magic words. You don’t have to sing Stevie Wonder’s classic – “I just called to say I love you” every time you dial them but piping in the three words once the conversation is over should not be the hardest task. If you are unable to choke out the words, you can still express love by performing amorous gestures. Cook your family a dinner, buy them presents or plan a family vacation. Just remember to always maintain love in the family equation.
Forget, Forgive And Live!
It is not particularly impossible for unpleasant fireworks to spark up in a family household bearing in mind, the turbulence that presently pervades the world. Resilience is pertinent for families in the current society. We need to inculcate virtues such as loyalty and patience within our families. A fine level of sacrifice determines the sturdiness of a family foundation. Yes, we all make mistakes. We inflict pain upon our parents, siblings, kids, relatives at the risk of knowing they will forgive us. We endure bad spells and vent at those who we love the most, quite easily assuming that our family members, bearing the brunt of these ugly instances, ought to understand and manifest compassion. The ability to forgive under the worst of circumstances is what renders a family relationship oh-so-fantastic! Let fun and laughter dominate over the feuds and tiffs!
Remember at all times that not everybody is blessed with a family! Hence, cherish every moment spent with every member of your family, and try not to take your family for granted!

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What Makes Strong and Nurturing Families?

July 3, 2010 cakpuad Financial

Human beings have the longest dependency on others than any other living creature. We spend our lives in relationships, either toxic or nurturing. If the family of origin was not supportive and loving, we either repeat that pattern or look for other mentors and teachers.

Can you visualize a closed fist as opposed to an open hand? That is the difference between a closed and dysfunctional group and a learning, sharing and supportive one. The closed one is turned inward and harsh in judgment and expectations. The open one is welcoming and willing to help others as well as receive help.

Closed or Open Families

When we look at families, either of birth or deliberate connection, we admire and wish to emulate, there are usually a number of variables present in the makeup. One or more are usually absent from a closed or dysfunctional family organizations.

Open communication. The members are free to express opinions and make mistakes without losing love. They talk often and freely express feelings and emotions. They look for new ways to encourage each other and don’t just do what has always been done. The family members ask for help, forgiveness and support when it is needed.
A sense of “us”. A family is made up of individuals with different needs and abilities. Those individuals form a synergy where the sum of the parts is greater than each one alone. The members of the family know that someone “has their back” and will support their endeavors.
Boundaries and guidance. Boundaries and rules of society are not to keep others out, but to keep us safe by understanding the limits of acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
Mutual respect. Strong families provide a sense of shared history and traditions. The family actively teaches and models morals, ethics and respect for others.
Affectionate and loving. Parents and families who only touch by pushing or pulling do not recognize the value of a loving and kind pat on the head, hug or kiss. Words and actions of love and acceptance are experienced daily in strong families and then radiated out to the world.
A sense of optimism and hope for the future. Families that are connected are strong in good times and bad. They model positive coping strategies and recognize life lessons in occasional failures.

Can you and your family change, even if negative patterns have been established over a long period of time? The answer is a resounding yes. The more we know, the more we grow. If your family or group would like deeper assistance than is offered in articles and books and yet not as expensive as therapy, please Google the phrase “Discipline Yes Punish No.” This can assist you in your journey.

Thank You for Your Important Work

I applaud you for seeking help with improving your relationships. Enhancing the bonds of understanding between individuals is the first step in building better families, neighborhoods, communities, areas, nations and a world of peace and harmony. Isn’t that what we all want?

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Interested in Watching Family Guy Online? Here’s How?

June 15, 2010 cakpuad Financial

American life would not be complete without the TV. We watch various TV shows to get important information and news; we watch in order to entertain ourselves; we even watch so we can relax and unwind. Many American families just love watching TV that certain shows have already become part of daily life. Some of the most loved TV shows have even become household names.

One such show is Family Guy, the cartoon TV show that made Peter, Lois, Meg, Chris and Stewie Griffin common characters among American families. If you are one of the fans of Family Guy, then this is not a bit surprising as many Americans have come to love the show. Of course, some people do not have the time to watch the show at its TV time slot. It is a good thing that there are now online websites that allow us to watch TV programs such as Family Guy or even movies anytime.

The great thing about the modern times is that we can now watch Family Guy online. You do not have to wait for the regular showing or reruns on TV because you can choose to watch Family Guy episodes anytime you feel like it. If you go to work or if your kids go to school but think that the Family Guy show is an event that all of you must see, then you can do so very conveniently using various TV and movies online websites. Such websites include bolop.com, www.watchmoviesonlinefull.com or even family-guy-online.tv

Many families can never get enough of this really funny and most times sarcastic cartoon TV show. If you love the Griffin family composed of the three children, Peter and Louis, talking dogs and the very hilarious plots for each episode, then you would truly appreciate the online sites wherein you can watch movies and full episodes of various TV shows at the most convenient time.

In most cases, you only have to access the website that shows the TV episodes, click on the specific episode title or movie title, then watch it at the comfort with your own room or even practically anywhere. Family Guy episodes can be conveniently accessed whether you are using your family desktop or your own laptop

It can be very easy to relax and actually have many good laughs when watching Family Guy online. You get to enjoy the funny punch lines; you get to enjoy the crazy antics of the family members, and you can even appreciate the hair brained schemes of Peter that gives character to the entire Family Guy show. Thanks to the gift of modern technology, you can now watch movies online or watch TV shows online at anytime, day or night, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. By watching Family Guy online or by watching any TV show on the web, you become your own boss because you can control what you want to watch at your own time and at your own place.

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